The original reason for this blog

I am not sure I ever posted my original reason for creating this blog. One night Zoe was in bed, or so I thought, and I was watching tv. I heard the usual, "mommy, come HERE." I went to her room and she was freaking out. What was wrong, I asked. She was freaking because there was a floating dust bunny, and the light coming in created a weird glow. "What is THAT?" she asked. So I had a totally inspired moment and said "That's Tinkerbell." I was so proud of myself. Aha! I was so smart!

Zoe's response: "WHAT" and then a scream unlike I have ever heard. Bone chilling, freezing, scream. Why? Because "NO - Tinkerbell lives in Florida." I said, "Tinkerbell lives in your heart," and some other BS. The hysteria was so real, so visceral, I had to come clean - it was a dust bunny. I had to convince her it was a dust bunny, over and over. And once she came to grips with it, she was fine.

Until she went to day care the next day and told everyone, "There was a dust bunny in my room, Mommy said it was Tinkerbell, but it wasn't." More humiliating than I can explain. And here I was, I thought I was so smart.

Babies, more versatile than duct tape!

I have found another highly functional use for my baby, Dylan. He makes a great mouse pad! Seriously. I was, once again, working at the coffee table (watching the news, I swear, not Oprah), and Dylan got a bit fussy. So after feeding and burping, I put him on his tummy on my lap - a favorite position (for him, not me, he drools). He still seems a bit out of whack, so I started to rub his back - and realized I hadn't refreshed my inbox. So I took my little wireless mouse and rubbed it on his back. Voila! He loved the little massage and I got to check my email. Talk about multi-tasking.

Waxing Poetic

This is my most recent episode of great moments of mothering history. This in fact is what spurred me to create this blog. About six weeks after my son was born I realized I in DIRE need of a bikini wax. My waxer (excuse me, my esthetician) was mortified by my "situation" and happily made an appointment for me. Except that I had no child care available. So I did what any self-respecting new mom in need of grooming would do: I held Dylan on my tummy while she waxed and trimmed away! He just sat there like a lump for 30 minutes. And of course he went in his diaper, but I said, "don't worry, just finish, he can wait." I'm sure if he could remember that he'd talk about it in therapy later. Hey, at least I wasn't breast feeding him!

A blog I've been meaning to create

I decided to create this blog one day when I was feeling guilty about all the stupid things I've done as a parent. I don't mean dangerous or anything, just stuff done out of desperation and usually driven by sleep deprivation, lack of help, a ridiculous deadline, insanity or some combination of these things. These posts will be random and not in the order they occurred - more like when my feeble brain can remember them.